coinciding daydreams and dreams

I didnt really manage to study yesterday. I spent a lot of my time in the outdoor attic watching the sky. I watched the birds fly past above my head in flocks, I saw exotic birds like parrots, and and occasionally, an eagle. Its so beautiful. I brough my notes in one hand, warm korean citron honey orange tea in the other up to the attic, with snowy tagging along. She loves it when there are people at home to keep her company. I went to the wooden open deck and laid on woven outdoor sofa and started to study. But everytime I finish a sentence, I look up to the sky to try to remember what I just read, and I get so mesmerized by the deep blue sky with swirls of white marshmellow clouds in them, I just totally forget the sentence I just read, and had to keep repeating the process. I was so frustrated with myself. At the end of 2 hours, I finished half a page. Argh.

My day was spent so desperately trying to memorize concepts aimlessly. I do have bits and pieces here and there in my head, but basically, its in quite a big mess. I think I'll have to start all over again. You know what's bad? I didnt have a good night. My sleep was interupted by streams of intermittent daydreams. What the hell right? Daydreams at night when Im supposed to be sleeping and having dreams instead. But yeah, I daydreamed. I daydreamed about going to the beach and sitting on the rocks at east coast with my dog, then walking on the sandy white shores of hawaii, people watching, and sipping a cup of pipping hot orange tea. Then I daydreamed about how it must feel to scuba dive in the maldives and see all the fishes and corals, skydive into the middle of africa into the savannah. I daydreamt through the night, drifting in and out of sleep, and when my alarm clock finally rang, I woke up feeling exhausted and annoyed at myself. Argh! And what am I doing online now!!!

20 YEAR POP ART

I just finished 2 papers, and have 2 more to go. Sigh, its really troubling and irritating to have to study. Really. But when the paper is over, I just feel a great sense of accomplishment and a flood of relief. I just want to get it all over and done with. Barnabas is having his paper this morning, and this boy never studies. I have to do his studying for him and teach him the concepts of social entrepreneurship. Im worried for him. But always manages to scrape past everything, so I better worry about myself more.

Im giving myself a break until 12noon, then Im going to start on my quest to memorize all the buyer behaviour concepts, take a nap at 4pm, wake up again, study til 12, then crash. Im already feeling dizzy thinking about all that studying.

On a lighter note, Thank you Mommy and Daddy and my 2 sisters for the diamond Raymond Weil watch. I really love it! And everyone who came for my POP ART Bday/Housewarming, all your well wishes, and presents. It was an exhausting day for me to run up and down the house over 3 flight of stairs. At the end of the night, I couldnt move and ached the next day. I really dont know how Mommy and Daddy could pull through 3 housewarmings. They must be superparents or something.

Study Hard and hang in there! It'll be over in a jiffy!

And here I am...

And here I am, on the computer. When I vowed to myself I wont touch the computer until my exams are over (unless its for work purposes). Sigh, so much for self-determination.

Yes I am studying for my exams right now, which starts in less than a week, and I havent updated for like a gazillion years. I still have photos from my bday/housewarming to upload. I'll keep that for the next post (hopedully I will only post it after my exams *crosses my fingers*).

And so, Im only blogging cos I have something really disgusting to tell everyone. Hahahaha! Well you see, I had chicken rice for lunch (I really hate the aftertaste of chicken rice. Dont get me wrong, I love chicken rice, but only when I am armed with a toothbrush and toothpaste. Other than that, I absolutely avoid it 100%. I cant stand the concoction of chilli and garlic that remains on your tongue and gives off an unbearable stench when you open your mouth to talk). Thus, I wont normally have chicken rice in the middle of the day, but today, I am left with no choice cos its 1pm in the afternoon, I am in the office starving and thinking about food, and the only thing available for me to eat is chicken rice. Yep, and so.....

Thats not the disgusting part. Listen. After eating my chicken chilli-garlic infused rice, i had a piece of chicken meat stuck in my molar (after I removed my braces, I always had food stuck between 2 particular molars, and that's the place where the braces ring was placed). I felt really unconfortable and annoyed at myself for eating the chicken rice and having pieces of meat stuck in my teeth, plus, the after lunch sleepy syndrome was kicking in, and I was on the onset of a major major PMS bitchy/depressive/frustrated mood, when I laid my restless eyes on the cup of tea on my table. You see, Ive been drinking a lot of tea for the past few week. All sorts of tea, orange tea, lemon tea, strawberry tea, mango tea, green tea, black tea, lipton tea, earl grey tea, ceylon tea, oolong tea, brown rice tea, all the flavours of tea in the world you can think of. Its so much better compared to coffee; less fat, less sugar. Plus, it has no calories! Provided if you dont put at sugar in it. Ok back to the point. And so, you know how tea bags always have a string attached to it to let you steep the teabag without wetting your fingers? Well, guess what!? Dont you think it reminds you of dental floss? That's right, dental floss. And surprise surprise, guess what did yours truly do. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.

First, I checked for the location of the CCTV (which was placed directly over my head). Then, I looked around to make sure no one was around. HHAHAHAHAHAH. Then..... I took the tea bag leash and flossed my teeth, and the guilty culprit was yanked out mercilessly from the hopelessly deep crevasse. And I felt profoundly satisfied with myself (I think that cured to my PMS).

Ok, Im going to study now. Im fully awake and not annoyed or bitchy anymore. No more chicken rice for me.

Do you believe?

You know, I believe in fate, in destiny. Its sounds silly, but its what I believe in. I believe that you can be at the right place at the right time, and everything is a predetermined course of events. You may think in a manner and act in a manner because you were predetermined to do something that is being affected by the way you think and act. In other words, you can think and ponder about a decision all day, such as to go for the party or not, but in the end, the answer is set in the stone of the future. The answer and decision cannot change. So why do we spend so much time thinking about that decision? Wouldnt it be the same answer if you decided in a blink of the eye? Since the answer would be the same anyway? You see, its only human to do that. We all think, and most of the time, we think too much. Which goes to say, all these pondering is unneccessary and a waste of time.

Have you ever had the nagging feeling to bring an umbrella (no, not from your mom or grandma) when you were just about to step out of your house? And when you reach the bus-stop it starts pouring and you become stranded in the desert of flood. Guess what, you are meant to get caught in the rain. hahahahaha.

You may argue with me that the future is not set in stone. And that you can always change your decision in the last minute and defy fate and destiny. But what makes you so sure that your change in decision is not the final one? Maybe it was meant to be that you would choose that answer, and you are actually just submitting to fate when you change that original answer.

People often say "you write your own destiny". But maybe what you are doing is reinforcing the faint but prominent line drawn by destiny. Just like how you used to do penmanship exercises when you were little.

So after all thats said, do you believe in destiny? You may say you dont know, and perhaps it is meant to be that way.

Contradictory Obsession

I havent updated in a long long time. No photos this time cos Im in the office now and I have nothing to do so Im sneaking an entry cos I can see cobwebs and dust starting to appear on my blog.

Its a Saturday and I am sitting here amazed at the norm that so many koreans undergo plastic surgery. Teenage girls get plastic surgery as birthday presents, especially for important birthday milestones like their 18th and 21st birthday. It is so normal there and its just like buying and putting on new make-up. In Singapore, our parents would probably buy us a rolex or a lavish toy for our 21st birthday. And what do they get!? Beauty in a bottle. If only we had other things that come in such packages like intelligence and brains. Oh wait, I think we do have that. We can buy degrees online now cant we? But deep deep down, we know that we will still be the same person and it shows through out actions and words. I guess it is the same with plastic surgery. Their kids will grow up to look like their parents, BEFORE THEIR PLASTIC SURGERY. The probably means single eyelids, flat noses and large cheekbones. Ok, thats plain steoreotying, but you get my point. We are all asians and we look like that, with some variations.

The funny thing is, they are so obsessed with plastic surgery to look beautiful, with sharp noses, double-lidded large eyes, and a perfectly sculpted body, and at the same time, are also obsessed with natural looking make-up. Make up that when you put it on, looks like you have nothing on your face but that natural looking pink healthy glow. Dont you think its so contradictory? A person who is sculpted to look like another person wants to be as natural looking as possible. I just find it so funny. Its hilarious. Its wierd thinking about it. Life is full of contradictions. You want to eat a lot of good fattening buttery food, and at the same time you want to be thin and fat-free. You sun-tan so much under the damaging UVB and UVA sunrays, and you want youthful healthy skin. You want good grades but you play all day and dont touch your books.

Sometimes, when you sit back and watch the world around you, you see patterns, wierd patterns, strange patterns, funny patterns. And you will realize it in yourself as well. And you laugh. You laugh at the world, and you laugh at yourself. We are all humans. Humans are monkeys. We observe patterns, we are the pattern.

National Fever

I feel guilty. Really, I do. I spent the first few minutes of our nation's birthday not in Singapore, but in our neighbouring country, Malaysia. And I feel bad about it. I meant to come back before 12, but there was a slight jam and was caught in between Singapore and Malaysia on the causeway. Tsk Tsk Cherie.

I went to JB a couple of times with Barnabas the past few weeks. we wanted to go explore JB on Saturdays cos there's really nothing much to do in SG. Its either we slack at home, or go out for a movie and dinner. Which is awfully boring cos it becomes a terrible routine that screams boring. And so, we decided to be adventurous and venture outside our border to the nearest place where we can spend our Saturdays in a foreign land filled with so much unfamiliarity, in a good way.

Yesterday, we went there with Ivan, who brought us to this place that is buried deep inside dusty tracks away from curious prying city eyes. Its so inaccessible with roads that has holes so deep, unnoticeable and dark that we almost got into an accident. We got to our dinner place at around 9 cos before that, we went to Giant and Tesco for some grocery shopping. Its so funny watching the guys shop at a supermarket. I felt like the man, cos they really looked like the women who were doing the shopping. We were in a rush to get to the seafood dinner place cos they close at 10, and by the time we reached Giant, it was already 8.30 and they had so many things to buy. I was pushing the trolley and sniggering to myself cos they were running and comparing the prices and value of vitagen (sugar or no sugar), bread (wholemeal or high-fibre), hotdogs (with cheese inside or without, big or small), instant noodles (in a cup or without, dry or soup). Its hilarious! They looked like 2 housewives trapped in a man's body! I should have taken a picture of their frantic faces and hands full with groceries. I couldnt cos they were instructing me with stern voices and serious faces to push the trolley here and there. I had to play the submissive husband and listen to their unquestionable commands.

Dinner was really good, the seafood was superbly fresh. And its really *waves hands around* cheap!! But all I could capture is the photo below with dishes that were all snapped up already cos it didnt all come at one shot, and I was too hungry to think straight and just whacked at the glorious food.

Im a happy girl who had a really good seafood dinner. Im going to regret it tomorrow when I realize how much food I've just eaten.

Yes its National Day today, and lets all be patriotic Singaporeans and recite our pledge at 8.22pm later tonight.

Happy National Day!

Locked in! again...

Snowy and I are locked in my room again. They are painting the stairs so we're immobilised here. Its a hot day today, and the room is sweltering hot. I tanned a little this morning, it feels good to feel the morning sun on my skin. Its different from the afternoon sun. Morning sunshine is much milder, less warm, just warm enough to heat my body up after a cold night. It doesnt feel as damaging as the afternoon sunshine might feel. I tanned til my skin turn into a rosy pink and went to take a shower before I burn any further. Its a nice change from my otherwise ghastly pale skin, cos I used to coop up in my room all day, draw the curtains til its almost pitch black, and only lighted up a glowing tablelamp, the perfect vampire's den.

Anyway, Snowy's really bored now. She walking aimlessing and noisily around my room (her nails click on the parquet flooring everytime she walks and its getting rather annoying) and sighing loudly. YES, dogs sigh. She'll take in a deep breath, then heave it all out, as though saying to me, "Im bored, can we please go for a walk?". Cos after sighing purposely, she'll sneak a glance at me to see if I noticed her. Hahaha, yeah dogs have feelings, and they're sneaky and cunning too. I think she knows Im talking about her cos she just looked at me and come over to me and put her front paws on my desk to sniff my laptop.

Its high tide now. It seems like a family obsessive trend that we always look out for high tides since we moved in. We would get excited when its high tide cos the water would be so green and glittery and we'd all talk about how high it is. And when its low tide, we'd seem to be slightly less talkative. Its as though our moods vary with the tides. Odd but true, maybe this mania would subside after a few weeks.

I've got to get started on my Organisational Behaviour individual project now. Its due on the 17th and I only have my references at hand. Anyone who has an OB sample assignment, or your past project, please be ever so kind to send me a copy. koh.cherie@gmail.com Thanks!

Water blue skies and yellow sunrise

I just moved into my new house 3 days ago, and today, Im locked up in my room cos the house is still under renovation and there're workers fixing the stairs and my doors today. Thus, Im unable to leave the room. And Snowy's locked in with me! Its been really dusty. Everywhere has dust particles flying and its annoying cos no matter how many times I mop the floor, it still feels dusty and grainy. Argh! My eyes are turning red, and my head hurts from breathing in so much dust. I feel as if each breath I take in is saturated with nasty dust, and there seem to be a perpetual slick of skintight raincoat of dust on my arms and legs, and I keep having a mental image that my hair is covered with it too. Its like raining dust in my room.

But when I look out and see the calming blue-green water moving with the current, I just feel that its all worth it. A few more days in this dusty environment, and my family and I will enjoy the dream house we have been dreaming of. The house is beautiful. We watched it build from a plain and ordinary house, to hacked ruins, then it evolved into this magnificent home. Notice I said home, not house? That's cos a house is built with bricks and stone, but a home is made with love alone. Hahaha, I know it sounds really corny and cliche, but its been in my head for as long as I can remember. And I just thought I'd share it with you.

Since Im locked up in my room, I decided to take some photos of my room and post it here. I used my E71 to take it cos I cant remember where I put my camera, it must still be in one of those boxes I've yet to unpack. Then again, you cant blame me for delaying the unpacking cos I dont want the dust to invade the souls of all my possessions. I tell you, this dust is so microscopic, I bet it can find its way into my camera lens. And since its taken from my phone, dont expect too much, the quality is rather terrible.

This is my balcony. It has a view of the canal, this longkang is the biggest one I've ever seen. And there're people going down into it in the evenings to fish! I love the view, especially at night where I lay on my bed and listen to the water and the sounds of joggers taking their midnight strides. And in the morning when I wake up with warm sunshine streaming in onto my foot and birds chirping and singing.

Even Snowy enjoys it here. Look at her!

She loves watching passer bys stroll past. See the little man at the bottom middle of the photo below? That's daddy. He's watching the workers fit in the back gate.

Took this photo in the morning when I came down for breakfast before I was ushered up into my room.

I'll take more photos of the rest of the house when I can!

Disappearing Act!

Today, my family had the shock of our lives. I was awakened by frantic shouts of "WHERE'S SNOWY?! WHERE'S SNOWY!". Then, a loud crash of my door colliding into my wall, "WAKE UP! SNOWY'S MISSING! CAN YOU STOP SLEEPING AND GET UP TO LOOK FOR HER?!". And that was at 7am in the morning. But how can I continue sleeping when snowy is missing? I jumped out of my bed, didnt even wear my bra, and ran down in my ugly sleeping ensemble (a TPJC shirt and a tight hot pink and blue shorts with a hibiscus at the side), terrible choice of clothes. Why didnt I pick something better to go to sleep the night before?! Now everyone in the neighbourhood would have seen me in my ugly clothes. ARGH!

And as you can imagine, everyone in the family running helter-skelter, shouting for our beloved dog. My mom and sis went one way, and I headed for the other direction. I was walking towards the end of the road, when from the corner of my eye, I saw a mob of black and white fur, and my heart skipped a beat. "Snowy?". And this familiar animal came into full view, making me feel fuzzy all over, and a little dizzy in my head. A flood of relief came over my body. I squatted down and called for her, and she ran towards me like how Lassie ran towards Timmy in the movie ' LASSIE COME HOME'. She ran into my arms and I dug my face into her warm furry neck.

"Snowy Snowy Snowy! How can you run away like that!?". I was feeling so relieved. Then the relieved turned into a ball of fury in a split second. "HOW CAN YOU! HOW CAN YOU RUN AWAY LIKE THAT!". I was mad, angry, and hurt. I wanted to scold her so badly, I wanted to tell her how angry I was, I wanted to punish her for her misbehaviour. Then I looked at her, her ears were folded down and she looked at me with watery eyes as if to say "Im sorry.", just like how she does in the picture below.

Then my heart melted and I hugged her again and said, "Never mind. Dont ever do it again.". All this while I my Dad was standing beside us. He was the one who found her. And guess where he found her?

This is his story:

We're moving house tomorrow, and the house is so messy, and everyone is so busy with their own things. Mom and Dad were having breakfast at the dining table when Mom called for snowy to eat her breakfast. "SNOWY SNOWY! COME AND EAT YOUR FOOD!". She waited a few seconds, but no response. She called for snowy again but nothing. Then she started to get worried. Dad asked her if she left Snowy in the car when Mom dropped Violet (my youngest sis) off school, she went to the car and checked but nothing. Usually, at this time, Grandma would bring Snowy for a walk in the park, but Grandma wasnt around today because we were moving house the next day and Dad let Grandma stay with Aunt for the weekend. Mom woke Cherie (ME), and ordered everyone to head out to look for Snowy. Dad went to the park where Grandma usually brings Snowy for a walk.

There, he saw a huge group of silver-haired elderlies practicing TAI-CHI. And right smack in the middle of the slow moving mob was this furry animal, it was black and white, and had the unmistakable markings of a Border Collie. Dad shouted "SNOWY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE!? COME HERE NOW!" Snowy didnt budged. The elderlies stopped in their tracks, that comprised of a half punch, and everyone turned to look at Dad. Dad lowered his voice into a hurried loud whisper, "COME HERE SNOWY!", and Snowy reluctantly dragged her body over the grass and to Dad. And the TAI-CHI exercised continued with sniggers and chuckles from the neighbourhood elderlies.

Apparently, Dad thinks Snowy knows that its her last day at this house, and Grandma wasnt arou to bring Snowy to the park. The elderlies at at the park who practices TAI-CHI adores Snowy, and often sing her praises and stroke her silly, and I bet Snowy enjoys it. Grandma usually waits for another old lady (who practices TAI-CHI) to walk to our house, and then Grandma would join her on her walk to the park together with Snowy. Today, Grandma was not around, but the old lady walked to our house, en route to the park. And Snowy followed her. We think she wanted to say Goodbye to everyone at the park before we left for the new house tomorrow.

It really frightened everyone at home cos Snowy never, NEVER left the house without us, even when the gate is wide open. But she's back now in our lovely home, and we're all grinning ear to ear. This will be a story to tell, about a dog, a house, an old lady, and a group of Tai-chi elderlies.

Spirals and trails of endless thoughts

School's started for a few weeks now. And I feel that there's so many things to do, but dont know how to go about doing them. There're endless projects, when I say endless, I really do mean it. Since when do I exaggerate? Its nuts! The projects they give, we havent even really started yet! It was a mess trying to figure out the grouping, but all is well now.

I was just thinking, there are so many types of people in this world. People who are contented with what they have, people who strive their whole life to be somebody, people who have a natural flair for attracting other people, people who prefer to be alone, people who lie, people who love, people who give in to others all the time, people who thinks about money all the time ever since they learnt the power of it.

I want to be somebody in life. I want to make my mark, make a stand, be different. Everyone wants to be different. But how different is different when everyone wants to be different. Then, is plain and simple, different? Our society now is conforming to the era of differentiating yourself from your social counterparts. Everyone has their own uniqueness that they can nurture. But this uniqueness is being replicated like the Ford model, only in different colours. And it is being passed off as a stamp of originality guarantee is embossed on it. Would then, the Plain Jane be the apple in an orange tree, and become the object of desire and curiousity?

Got to get started on my project now. Time is running out fast like the sand in the hourglass.




Vivian, your birthday party was a blast, I love the Kids theme. Sorry I had to leave early. I love you, and happy 21st Birthday!